Harriers Chatter

a man went to a zoo - but all it had in it was one dog - it was a shitzu

Hmm, been over two years without anyone else posting a joke - so -

Where did Noah keep his bees?

- in the Ark hives


See you again in a couple years time!

Never mind, can't wait another two years -

I have a friend who is addicted to brake fluid - he says he can stop any time!

Me? I gave away all my dead batteries today - free of charge!

hmm - more than a year gone by again!

so . .

The bartender said "We don't serve time travellers!"
A time traveller walks into a bar.

A mummy balloon, a daddy balloon and a baby balloon are watching tv When the parents announce they are ready for bed, but the baby balloon is OK to stay up a little while longer. They head off to bed, and an hour later, baby balloon finishes his show, and goes to the bedroom.

As they are balloons and have no real sources of income, they live in a 1 bedroom apartment, and have to share a bed. The baby balloon tries to get into bed, but mummy balloon and daddy balloon are just so big that he can't squeeze in. So, he goes to daddy balloon, unties his knot and lets out a little air, and tries getting into bed again: Still not enough room. He then goes to mummy balloon and unties her knot and lets a little air out: A little better, but still not enough. So, he unties his own knot, lets out some air, and is able to fit comfortably into bed.

The next morning, baby balloon wakes up to find his parents are not there. He goes into the kitchen to find mummy and daddy balloon sitting at the table looking pretty angry. Daddy balloon says, 'Son, we are pretty upset about what you did last night. You let me down, you let your mother down, but worst of all, you let yourself down.'

I told my psychiatrist that I'm hearing voices.
He said you don't have a psychiatrist.

I just got back from the zoo. I saw a slice of toast lying in one of the enclosures. It was bread in captivity.

I look forward to seeing your new jokes.

I don't listen too much to statistics - they tell us the average person has one breast and one testicle . .

“You know how it is in life. One door closes – that means another door opens…”
 
“Yeah, very nice, but you either fix that or I’m expecting a serious discount on that car!”

A guy walks into a bar and orders a fruit punch.

The bartender says "Pal, if you want a punch you'll have to stand in line."
The guy looks around, but there is no punch line. . .