zoo

The place for your jokes, funny pics and anything else that tickles your fancy.

Moderators: harry211, Phil, garthrockett, harriershane

andrewb
Reserves
Reserves
Posts: 177
Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 9:49 am

Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Wed Feb 12, 2020 5:09 pm

I tried eating a clock yesterday - took ages - it was very time consuming . . .

andrewb
Reserves
Reserves
Posts: 177
Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 9:49 am

Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Fri Feb 21, 2020 2:24 pm

The only thing Flat-Earthers fear .... is sphere itself . . .

andrewb
Reserves
Reserves
Posts: 177
Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 9:49 am

Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Fri Mar 13, 2020 6:37 pm

I've been buying loads of cocktail sausages, prepacked sandwiches and juice cartons all week - Picnic buying . . .

andrewb
Reserves
Reserves
Posts: 177
Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 9:49 am

Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Mon Mar 30, 2020 11:32 am

Did you hear about the yacht builder who had to work from home? - His sails went through the roof . . .

andrewb
Reserves
Reserves
Posts: 177
Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 9:49 am

Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Fri Apr 03, 2020 11:43 am

In this awful situation I afraid to report the loss of a few local businesses. A local bra manufacturer has gone bust, a submarine company has gone under, a manufacturer of food blenders has gone into liquidation, a dog kennel manufacturer has had to call in the retrievers and a company supplying paper for origami enthusiasts has folded. The local paper hanger has gone to the wall. The town crier has had to call it a day too. The manufacturer of camouflage gear has disappeared. The gardening company has had to put its workers out to grass. The life jacket makers have gone under, and the breast enhancing surgery has gone tits up . . . .

andrewb
Reserves
Reserves
Posts: 177
Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 9:49 am

Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Tue May 05, 2020 5:18 pm

My farmer friend used his 80% income money from the government to buy baby chickens - He got his money for nothing and his chicks for free . . .

andrewb
Reserves
Reserves
Posts: 177
Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 9:49 am

Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Fri Jun 05, 2020 9:40 pm

Three weeks ago I sent my hearing aids in for repair - I've heard nothing since . . .

andrewb
Reserves
Reserves
Posts: 177
Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 9:49 am

Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Fri Jun 12, 2020 12:11 pm

I just rang up B and Q to ask them how big was their queue - the guy said "same size as the B" . . .

andrewb
Reserves
Reserves
Posts: 177
Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 9:49 am

Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Mon Jun 15, 2020 2:04 pm

On average, a Panda eats for 15 hours a day. This is now the same as someone under lockdown at home - which is why its called a Pandemic . . .

andrewb
Reserves
Reserves
Posts: 177
Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 9:49 am

Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Tue Jul 14, 2020 5:00 pm

I met my wife while she was working at the zoo - she looked great in her uniform - I knew at once she was a keeper . . .

andrewb
Reserves
Reserves
Posts: 177
Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 9:49 am

Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Thu Aug 13, 2020 11:19 am

Did you know that ants never get sick? It's because they have little anty bodies . . .

andrewb
Reserves
Reserves
Posts: 177
Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 9:49 am

Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Sun Sep 13, 2020 3:40 pm

Sixteen sodium atoms walk into a bar . . . . followed by Batman . . .

andrewb
Reserves
Reserves
Posts: 177
Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 9:49 am

Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Sun Sep 13, 2020 10:57 pm

When I was on holiday in Thailand these two Thai girls said to me "Do you want to take us both to bed? It will be like winning the lottery!" They were right - we had six matching balls . . . .

andrewb
Reserves
Reserves
Posts: 177
Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 9:49 am

Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Thu Oct 01, 2020 12:24 am

How did the football pitch end up as triangle? Somebody took a corner!

andrewb
Reserves
Reserves
Posts: 177
Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 9:49 am

Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Wed Oct 14, 2020 2:47 pm

With another lockdown likely, I saw a man with four cases of San Miguel, five paellas and six sombreros - I think Hispanic buying . . .

Post Reply