zoo

The place for your jokes, funny pics and anything else that tickles your fancy.

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andrewb
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Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Fri Jul 27, 2018 10:55 am

A man in an interrogation room says "I'm not saying a word without my lawyer present."
"You ARE the lawyer", said the policeman.
"Exactly! So where's my present?" replied the man.

andrewb
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Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Tue Aug 21, 2018 3:52 pm

My wife wanted me to cover her in fish and herbs !
I looked doubtfully at her.
She said "Don't you know, there's a thyme and a plaice for everything".

andrewb
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Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Mon Sep 03, 2018 1:53 pm

The other day I gave up my seat on the bus to a blind guy. That’s how I lost my job as a bus driver :(

andrewb
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Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Thu Sep 20, 2018 8:53 pm

Two thieves broke into WH Smiths and stole a calendar - they got six months each . .

andrewb
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Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Thu Nov 01, 2018 8:24 pm

I got my best friend a fridge for her birthday - can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it !

andrewb
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Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Sat Nov 17, 2018 10:39 am

A nine year old girl has disappeared after using a moisturiser that makes you look ten years younger . . .

andrewb
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Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Mon Jan 07, 2019 4:31 pm

A man was found guilty of overusing commas.
The judge told him to expect a really long sentence . . .

andrewb
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Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Tue Jan 29, 2019 10:26 am

I hate it when people ask me what I’ll be doing in a years time - I don’t have 2020 vision . . .

andrewb
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Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Thu Mar 07, 2019 8:06 pm

My daughter turned 18 this week, so I bought her a locket. She put her own picture in it. I guess now she really is . . .independent . . .

andrewb
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Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Thu Mar 14, 2019 11:39 pm

I read that a crocodile can grow up to 17 feet - but all the ones I've seen only have 4 . . .

andrewb
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Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Tue Jun 04, 2019 4:14 pm

What did the left eye say to the right eye? - - "Between you and me, something smells."

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Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Thu Jun 13, 2019 5:18 pm

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah - I thought "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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