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zoo

The place for your jokes, funny pics and anything else that tickles your fancy.

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andrewb
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zoo

Post by andrewb » Sun Aug 18, 2013 1:15 pm

a man went to a zoo - but all it had in it was one dog - it was a shitzu

andrewb
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Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Thu Feb 18, 2016 10:38 am

Hmm, been over two years without anyone else posting a joke - so -

Where did Noah keep his bees?

- in the Ark hives


See you again in a couple years time!

andrewb
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Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Fri Feb 19, 2016 10:30 am

Never mind, can't wait another two years -

I have a friend who is addicted to brake fluid - he says he can stop any time!

Me? I gave away all my dead batteries today - free of charge!

andrewb
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Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Thu Apr 13, 2017 6:55 pm

hmm - more than a year gone by again!

so . .

The bartender said "We don't serve time travellers!"
A time traveller walks into a bar.

andrewb
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Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Tue May 02, 2017 9:09 pm

A mummy balloon, a daddy balloon and a baby balloon are watching tv When the parents announce they are ready for bed, but the baby balloon is OK to stay up a little while longer. They head off to bed, and an hour later, baby balloon finishes his show, and goes to the bedroom.

As they are balloons and have no real sources of income, they live in a 1 bedroom apartment, and have to share a bed. The baby balloon tries to get into bed, but mummy balloon and daddy balloon are just so big that he can't squeeze in. So, he goes to daddy balloon, unties his knot and lets out a little air, and tries getting into bed again: Still not enough room. He then goes to mummy balloon and unties her knot and lets a little air out: A little better, but still not enough. So, he unties his own knot, lets out some air, and is able to fit comfortably into bed.

The next morning, baby balloon wakes up to find his parents are not there. He goes into the kitchen to find mummy and daddy balloon sitting at the table looking pretty angry. Daddy balloon says, 'Son, we are pretty upset about what you did last night. You let me down, you let your mother down, but worst of all, you let yourself down.'

andrewb
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Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Mon Jun 05, 2017 1:54 am

I told my psychiatrist that I'm hearing voices.
He said you don't have a psychiatrist.

andrewb
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Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Wed Jun 21, 2017 9:40 am

I just got back from the zoo. I saw a slice of toast lying in one of the enclosures. It was bread in captivity.

Jackygold55
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Re: zoo

Post by Jackygold55 » Wed Jun 28, 2017 12:56 am

I look forward to seeing your new jokes.

andrewb
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Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Sat Jul 01, 2017 10:12 am

I don't listen too much to statistics - they tell us the average person has one breast and one testicle . .

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Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Fri Jul 28, 2017 1:41 pm

“You know how it is in life. One door closes – that means another door opens…”
 
“Yeah, very nice, but you either fix that or I’m expecting a serious discount on that car!”

andrewb
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Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Tue Sep 12, 2017 12:27 pm

A guy walks into a bar and orders a fruit punch.

The bartender says "Pal, if you want a punch you'll have to stand in line."
The guy looks around, but there is no punch line. . .

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Phil
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Re: zoo

Post by Phil » Tue Sep 12, 2017 12:36 pm

:like: :rolllaugh:

andrewb
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Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Wed Oct 04, 2017 9:53 pm

I've just started a band. We are called called 999 Megabytes — We haven’t got a gig yet.

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Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Tue Oct 10, 2017 11:26 pm

Actually I used to play soccer for the Harriers - I was the left back - when the others went out I was left back in the changing rooms :(

andrewb
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Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Sat Nov 04, 2017 12:49 am

I told my friend 10 jokes to get him to laugh.
Sadly, no pun in 10 did.

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