zoo

The place for your jokes, funny pics and anything else that tickles your fancy.

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andrewb
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Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Fri Nov 10, 2017 3:09 pm

I remember Matthew Barnes-Homer, but there's a fine line between hyphenated names.

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Re: zoo

Post by brumkidd » Tue Nov 14, 2017 1:45 pm

The first protective cricket box was used in 1874. The first protective cricket helmet was used in 1974. This shows that it took 100 years for men to realise that their brains were Important too.
It is only a matter of time before those good people at Camelot give me the lottery jackpot that I so richly deserve.

andrewb
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Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Fri Dec 08, 2017 12:03 am

I once farted in an elevator. It was wrong on so many levels.

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Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Sun Jan 14, 2018 12:18 pm

Spent a fortune on buying a second-hand Rolls-Royce but couldn't afford to hire anyone to drive it for me.
All that money on a car and nothing to chauffeur it. . . .

andrewb
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Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Sun Feb 11, 2018 1:42 pm

I've been using my U2 Satnav for a couple of weeks now, but the thing is really terrible!
The streets have no name, and I still haven't found what I'm looking for. . . .

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Re: zoo

Post by Lovejoy » Sun Feb 11, 2018 11:29 pm

I have a similar problem andrewb!
Got a Bonnie Tyler satnav and it keeps telling me to turnaround and every now and then it falls apart.

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Re: zoo

Post by Lovejoy » Mon Feb 12, 2018 12:47 am

If you ever date a dominatrix, never ever suggest it's time to hit the sack.

I used to play the triangle in a reggae band but left because it was just one ting after another.

andrewb
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Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Mon Feb 26, 2018 4:41 pm

Warning! Do not join the new Tesco Dating service. My mate did and he ended up with a bag for life . . .

andrewb
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Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Wed Mar 14, 2018 4:47 pm

A termite walks into the bar and says, "Is the bar tender here?"

andrewb
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Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Thu Mar 22, 2018 2:17 pm

Who's the coolest guy in the hospital?
The Ultrasound guy . . .

Who takes over when he's on holiday?
The hip replacement guy . . . .

andrewb
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Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Fri Apr 13, 2018 1:16 pm

I lost my watch at a party the other day - I saw a guy step on it while harassing a girl.

I went straight up and punched him on the nose - No-one does that to a girl, not on my watch !

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Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Mon May 14, 2018 7:12 pm

I'm going to a deodorant party at the weekend . . .Roll on Saturday !

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Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Thu Jun 14, 2018 1:30 am

In Jamaica you can get a steak and kidney pie for £1.75, a chicken and mushroom pie for £1.60 and an apple pie for £2.15.

In St Kitts and Nevis a steak and kidney pie will cost you £2, a chicken pie (without mushrooms) is £1.70 and a cherry pie can be yours for £1.95.

In Trinidad and Tobago, that steak and kidney pie comes in at £2.50, but you can get two for £3.50, while the chicken and mushroom pie is £2.25, or two for £3.25. They also offer meat and potato pie for £2, or two for £3. Their apple pies and cherry pies are often sold for £2.75, or two (any combination) for £4.75. Those are the Pie Rates of the Caribbean

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Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Fri Jun 15, 2018 7:17 pm

Took the shell off my racing snail today - thought it might speed him up - if anything it made him more sluggish . . .

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Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Fri Jul 06, 2018 5:14 pm

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer - not sure what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day . . .

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