Page 5 of 9

Re: zoo

Posted: Wed Feb 12, 2020 5:09 pm
by andrewb
I tried eating a clock yesterday - took ages - it was very time consuming . . .

Re: zoo

Posted: Fri Feb 21, 2020 2:24 pm
by andrewb
The only thing Flat-Earthers fear .... is sphere itself . . .

Re: zoo

Posted: Fri Mar 13, 2020 6:37 pm
by andrewb
I've been buying loads of cocktail sausages, prepacked sandwiches and juice cartons all week - Picnic buying . . .

Re: zoo

Posted: Mon Mar 30, 2020 11:32 am
by andrewb
Did you hear about the yacht builder who had to work from home? - His sails went through the roof . . .

Re: zoo

Posted: Fri Apr 03, 2020 11:43 am
by andrewb
In this awful situation I afraid to report the loss of a few local businesses. A local bra manufacturer has gone bust, a submarine company has gone under, a manufacturer of food blenders has gone into liquidation, a dog kennel manufacturer has had to call in the retrievers and a company supplying paper for origami enthusiasts has folded. The local paper hanger has gone to the wall. The town crier has had to call it a day too. The manufacturer of camouflage gear has disappeared. The gardening company has had to put its workers out to grass. The life jacket makers have gone under, and the breast enhancing surgery has gone tits up . . . .

Re: zoo

Posted: Tue May 05, 2020 5:18 pm
by andrewb
My farmer friend used his 80% income money from the government to buy baby chickens - He got his money for nothing and his chicks for free . . .

Re: zoo

Posted: Fri Jun 05, 2020 9:40 pm
by andrewb
Three weeks ago I sent my hearing aids in for repair - I've heard nothing since . . .

Re: zoo

Posted: Fri Jun 12, 2020 12:11 pm
by andrewb
I just rang up B and Q to ask them how big was their queue - the guy said "same size as the B" . . .

Re: zoo

Posted: Mon Jun 15, 2020 2:04 pm
by andrewb
On average, a Panda eats for 15 hours a day. This is now the same as someone under lockdown at home - which is why its called a Pandemic . . .

Re: zoo

Posted: Tue Jul 14, 2020 5:00 pm
by andrewb
I met my wife while she was working at the zoo - she looked great in her uniform - I knew at once she was a keeper . . .

Re: zoo

Posted: Thu Aug 13, 2020 11:19 am
by andrewb
Did you know that ants never get sick? It's because they have little anty bodies . . .

Re: zoo

Posted: Sun Sep 13, 2020 3:40 pm
by andrewb
Sixteen sodium atoms walk into a bar . . . . followed by Batman . . .

Re: zoo

Posted: Sun Sep 13, 2020 10:57 pm
by andrewb
When I was on holiday in Thailand these two Thai girls said to me "Do you want to take us both to bed? It will be like winning the lottery!" They were right - we had six matching balls . . . .

Re: zoo

Posted: Thu Oct 01, 2020 12:24 am
by andrewb
How did the football pitch end up as triangle? Somebody took a corner!

Re: zoo

Posted: Wed Oct 14, 2020 2:47 pm
by andrewb
With another lockdown likely, I saw a man with four cases of San Miguel, five paellas and six sombreros - I think Hispanic buying . . .