Ad blocker detected: Our website is made possible by displaying online advertisements to our visitors. Please consider supporting us by disabling your ad blocker on our website.
The place for your jokes, funny pics and anything else that tickles your fancy.
Moderators: harry211, Phil, harriershane, garthrockett
-
andrewb
- Subs bench
- Posts: 691
- Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 9:49 am
Post
by andrewb » Mon Nov 16, 2020 2:03 pm
To the person who stole my glasses - I will find you - I have contacts . . .
-
andrewb
- Subs bench
- Posts: 691
- Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 9:49 am
Post
by andrewb » Mon Nov 16, 2020 2:08 pm
And the same person stole my limbo bar - how can people stoop so low ?
-
andrewb
- Subs bench
- Posts: 691
- Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 9:49 am
Post
by andrewb » Sun Nov 22, 2020 11:17 pm
I accidently drank some of that invisible ink - am now in hospital waiting to be seen . . .
-
andrewb
- Subs bench
- Posts: 691
- Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 9:49 am
Post
by andrewb » Wed Dec 09, 2020 1:02 am
You know, my penis was in the Guinness Book of Records! - but then the librarian told me to take it out . . .
-
andrewb
- Subs bench
- Posts: 691
- Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 9:49 am
Post
by andrewb » Fri Jan 01, 2021 6:44 pm
I remember the advice I was given at the start of 2019 - "Stay away from negative people". Then for 2020 it became "Stay away from positive people." . . .
-
andrewb
- Subs bench
- Posts: 691
- Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 9:49 am
Post
by andrewb » Wed Jan 06, 2021 2:25 pm
My Christmas tree seemed happy when I took off all the lights - in fact it was de-lighted . . .
-
andrewb
- Subs bench
- Posts: 691
- Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 9:49 am
Post
by andrewb » Wed Jan 20, 2021 10:03 am
MAN- Doctor, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up.
DOCTOR - Wow! That's the worst case of Parking Son's disease I have ever seen !
-
andrewb
- Subs bench
- Posts: 691
- Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 9:49 am
Post
by andrewb » Fri Jan 29, 2021 1:20 pm
God and the devil were having an argument, and Satan proposed a football game between heaven and hell to resolve the dispute. God, in his eternal goodness, pointed out that it wouldn’t be a fair match because all the ‘good’ players go to heaven. The devil smiled, replying, “Yes, but we’ve got all the refs.”
-
andrewb
- Subs bench
- Posts: 691
- Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 9:49 am
Post
by andrewb » Sat Mar 20, 2021 2:07 pm
Am just getting over my Viagra addiction - it was the hardest time of my life . . .
-
andrewb
- Subs bench
- Posts: 691
- Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 9:49 am
Post
by andrewb » Wed Apr 28, 2021 7:51 pm
People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good, long look at themselves.
-
andrewb
- Subs bench
- Posts: 691
- Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 9:49 am
Post
by andrewb » Mon May 03, 2021 10:32 am
I asked the builder how much a new roof would cost me - he said nothing! it's on the house !
-
andrewb
- Subs bench
- Posts: 691
- Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 9:49 am
Post
by andrewb » Tue Jun 08, 2021 6:05 pm
From Paul Gascoigne: “What do you call a Scotsman in the second round of a World Cup?” - “A referee.”
-
andrewb
- Subs bench
- Posts: 691
- Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 9:49 am
Post
by andrewb » Sat Jun 19, 2021 10:52 am
If you boil a funny bone, it becomes a laughing stock ! ( that's humerus . . )
-
andrewb
- Subs bench
- Posts: 691
- Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 9:49 am
Post
by andrewb » Tue Jun 29, 2021 10:57 am
I'm trying to organise a hide-and-seek tournament - but good players are really hard to find . . .
-
andrewb
- Subs bench
- Posts: 691
- Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 9:49 am
Post
by andrewb » Tue Aug 10, 2021 11:30 am
My girl Cinderella was in the Olympic football squad - she didnt do very well though - probably because she has a pumpkin for a coach and she always runs away from the ball . . .