more jokes

[andrewb]

Well - rather like match of the day, here are the highlights of the last 10 or so years! - One joke on each Line(ker) so I have had to Shearer them down a bit.

1- My work colleague was telling me that he failed his exam in Aboriginal music...I said, "Didja redo it?

2- I throw biro lids across the room to get rid of my pen top aggression.

3- i hate my job - All i do is crush cans all day - Its soda pressing .

4 - The only thing flat-earthers fear - is sphere itself.

5- i tried to phone the tinnitus helpline, but it just kept ringing . . .

6 - Some people make me sick - maybe I should cook them for longer . . .

7 - I had to take the battery out of my carbon monoxide alarm - the constant ringing was making me sick and dizzy

8 - I once bought a dog from a blacksmith. As soon as i got him home he made a bolt for the door . . .

9 - I once worked at a bakery to get by. I kneaded the dough . . .

10 - When I was a kid my parents used to make me walk the plank. We couldn't afford a dog.

11 My wife laughed when I said I could make a car out of spagetti. You should have seen her face when i drove pasta . . .

[Jack Hammer]

If you like similar jokes, here are a bundle of them, taken from Bob Mortimer's Peter Beardsley character in his Athletico Mince podcast.


https://thenorthernhalf.wordpress.com/2020/11/23/peter-beardsleys-joke-book/

[andrewb]

A contestant on Australian Bake Off made a meringue and the crowd cheered which is unusual. Australians normally boo meringues . . .

[andrewb]

There was once a king who was only 12 inches tall. Terrible king, great ruler.

[andrewb]

Ever tried blindfold archery? - You don't know what you're missing!

[garthrockett]

Gary Lineker never got booked once in his entire career.
My Dad was the same- great chap, but a really terrible DJ.........